Goodling To Take The Fifth -- If Her Lawyer Didn't Fuck That Up For Her

From my days tracking down some of the Enron, et al. bad guys, I can tell you that there are two ways that you can let someone plead the Fifth Amendment. As is often the case, there is the easy way and then there is the hard way. (Jeff Skilling took the stupid way, which is to act all arrogant and not plead the Fifth, even though your lawyers told you to plead it. Jeff Skilling, it gives me intense personal pleasure to note, is in jail tonight and will be for many nights to come. I think of this every evening as I lay my head on my Egyptian cotton sheets. "I may have had a rough day," I say to myself, "but Jeff Skilling spent the day in jail." Then, I sleep the sleep of the justified.)

The easy way goes something like this. You notice the deposition of a bad guy. Bad guy's lawyer sends you a letter and says, "Hi! How's your golf game? Congrats on your son's wedding; he'll make a shitload at that firm and his wife's lovely. My client will plead the Fifth Amendment so fast that it will make your head spin. Do we all really need to waste our time? See you at the ABA conference next month; regards to your charming spouse." You write his lawyer back and say, "Hi! Wow, how about those Nats! You got great seats; your firm must have bought up a shitload of tickets. Let me know if you're ever not going to go. I saw your classmate Carl the other day; he said you used to cheat on your lawschool exams. Kidding! I think we can do this depo by phone and it will take 15 minutes. My secretary will email you the call-in number. I mean it about those seats. See you and your charming spouse at the ABA, or, if I'm too busy to go to that, at the country club dinner." You have a call-in depo. You ask the bad guy his name; he answers. You ask his business address; he says that he no longer has one but he's consulting from home. You ask if he raped California; he takes the Fifth. You ask if all his answers to similar questions will be the same. He says "Yes." You ask the court reporter if she got all that. She says, "You bet; but I get paid for at least four hours." You say, "Thanks. Bye."

The hard way goes like this. You notice the deposition of the bad guy and his lawyer sends you a chatty letter and you write back and say, "Shut up and show up." Bad guy and his lawyer show up and start taking the Fifth when you ask where he went to school. And then, for hours, you keep on asking the bad guy questions and he keeps on taking the Fifth. Punctuate this with long fights with his lawyer over whether or not he's entitled to take the Fifth on this question. Followed by, later, bad guy saying, "On advice of counsel, I invoke my rights under the Fifth Amendment not to answer on the grounds that my answer may tend to incriminate me." Over and over again. You can even take a break for lunch and come back for round two. I think that the last time that I saw this done professionally, Bobby Kennedy was AG and Jimmy Hoffa was calling him "Bobby Boy," but I'm getting old.

Looks as if Miss Monica may be heading for the hard way. Her lawyer may have been absent from law school the day that they were studying not being rude to the people who are asking you the questions.