Dueling 201 Files

A gentleman from the Shenadoah Valley does not take kindly to either G. Felix Allen Jr.'s faux cowboy act nor to Congressman Bob Goodlatte's (R VA) threat to "run the Democrats out of town."

Concerning G. Felix, he notes that: The whole discussion about George Allen's possible racism misses a more basic point: Racist or not, he is surely a bully. His "red meat" offerings and veiled threats, ("knock their soft teeth down their whiny throats") are boring, but not new. His own sister's book paints him as an out-of-control bully who terrorized his younger siblings.

Just as the inarticulate occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Allen is trying to live up to his father and thinks being a faux cowboy and hiding the California-born surfer that he is will "git 'er done." I'm old enough to realize that Allen has morphed into a tobacco-chewing version of Spiro Agnew, a rhetorical bully who can dish, but can't take. I suggest a new sign for downtown Staunton: "Here lie the presidential aspirations of George Allen, abandoned when he fled in terror from a gorilla and a giant banana."

Concerning Congressman Goolatte (literally good latte -- probably with a bit of froth):

At 60, I have a few years on you Bobby Boy. I was born in Virginia, not Massachusetts, as were you, so let me share a little history. . . . In short, you couldn't carry the athletic essential, much less the portfolio, of any of your predecessors. Therefore, I respectfully suggest you cease besmirching the office with reckless rhetoric.

But, if you intend to implement your "run them out of town" program, here's one Democrat that "ain't budgin." I will meet you anytime, anywhere in Staunton, and we will see who runs where. Maybe we could adopt a version of a Zell Miller duel. We'll go nose to nose and slap each other, not with gloves, but with our 201 files. But that would leave you unarmed, wouldn't it? You can't borrow Bully Boy's or Dick Cheney's or Karl Rove's; they're in the same fix. Maybe you could borrow W's. After all the redacting and shredding that's been done on that one, it's probably as thin as mine. On second thought, I'll give you an advantage: You can use Jim Webb's 201. It's probably as thick as a D.C. phone book and would knock me cold on the first blow.

Now that we understand each other's position and have both shown our foolish, immature tendencies in the same week, I suggest we each try to act in the future as if we were adults with an IQ of over 50 and a modicum of class.

Lest you decide that the letter-writer is some Virginia-chardonnay-drinking pansy-waist, the News Leader notes that: Charlie Bishop is a Staunton resident and a graduate of Virginia Military Institute.