You Just Know That Judy Dench Told Them To Go Pound Sand

Somehow, I missed ever seeing the original Wicker Man when it came out. Well, to be fair, I was busy having a baby and starting college. But even as it grew to cult status, I somehow never saw it. My friend Kathy, one of the most creative people I know, has been telling me for some time that I should see it and a recent article noted that it's had a huge effect on today's musicians. But it wasn't until Friday night that I finally saw it, and then only really because my coven is planning a Movie Day this month and I'd ordered it (along with Bell, Book, and Candle) from Netflix.

I see why it works as a horror film and the dance scenes are, well, they're very good. And, the depictions of a pagan society weren't offensive, nor did I get the feeling that the movie was trying to make a comment on the then-nascent neo-Pagan movement. Some pagan societies practiced human sacrifice (the Druids may have;Caesar said so, although I don't think he claimed to have seen it himself) and xianity is based upon human sacrifice ritually re-enacted. What rang particularly true was the victim's warning to Lord Summersisle that, should the crops fail yet again, the community would sacrifice Lord Summersisle himself. I think we've all read The Golden Bough.

I liked the symbolism, as well: Summersisle, which is off somewhere in the West and where they grow apples. Pagans often refer to the place where souls go between death and rebirth as the Summerland closely associated with Avalon, the Isle of Apples and, for Eurocentric pagans, that place is always off in the West. I think we've all read Arthurian legends and seen Lord of the Rings.

So, having seen the original, I decided to go see the remake, despite the fact that it's gotten terrible reviews. The terrible reviews are spot on.

The remake, which is very badly cast, badly written, badly acted, and very badly costumed, is essentially an attempt to throw mud at the idea of a matriarchy. The islanders no longer grows apples; they're beekeepers. GET IT? The creepy innkeeper of the original is no longer Britt Ekland's father; the creepy innkeeper is a mean bull dyke. GET IT? The islanders no longer celebrate fertility, no longer dance ecstatic dances nor leap over bonfires, no longer copulate in the field. Instead, they tromp around dressed like Mormons, work unceasingly, and hate men. GET IT?

It's funny how projection works. I've noticed then when men imagine a matriarchal society, they almost always imagine a sexless society where the women treat men terribly. In the remake of the Wicker Man, the men literally have their tongues cut out so they can't speak. GET IT? Oh, and the colony's ancestors were Celtic. GET IT?

Jason at The Wild Hunt wonders if the remake of the Wicker Man will show Pagans how the Catholics felt about the Da Vinci Code. I think there's one important difference. Catholics aren't a fringe group that's struggling for acceptance. Catholics can, for example, have their religious symbol carved on their memorials when they die fighting for their country. Pagans can't. Even the Six-Months-Later scene, added to the remake, is designed to hammer home the point that men are nice, helpful, friendly people, while women are creepy, exploitative, heartless schemers. GET IT?

Fiona Horne, self-promoting witch extraordinaire, met with the director and with Nicholas Cage before the film was made and said, "I really respect the work of both those guys." Really, Fiona? You respect the work of director Neil LaBute, an openly misogynist director? Fiona, that's twice now that you've embarrassed yourself. You want to quit while you're ahead.

So tell me in comments: What's your favorite movie about witches or pagans. Swear to Coyote I'll hex the first person who ways The Wizard of Oz. :)