As everyone in the blogsphere by now doubtlessly knows, it's apparently more than any xian's faith can possibly stand to be confronted with a chocolate image of Jesus. It's true. William Donohue, professional victim extraordinaire, says so.
Apparently, and, damn am I pissed that I didn't get the memo, Lent is when we evil non-xians apparently really go to town trying to tempt xians not to believe in their faith. And, of course, modern xians like Donohue are so weak and starved and confused from all that fasting and staying up all night on their knees praying that they do at this time of the year, that it makes sense for us to realy focus our efforts on Lent. And, now, some evil genius has come up with the perfect way to convince xians that their entire faith is a lie.
Chocolate Jesus.
Yep. I don't care if you were baptized at St. Peter's, learned to read from Sister Taursisus at Our Lady of the Holy Blood Parochial School, can recite the Baltimore Catachesim in Latin, made your first Confession to Father Timothy without getting sexually abused, elevated a little bit off the floor when you received your first Holy Communion, took the name Germaine for your Confirmation name, were married a virgin at St. Catherine Laboure chapel, and have spent your entire life in prayer and good works. Apparently, notwithstanding all of those signs of grace, if your eyes ever fall, for even a few minutes, during the season of Lent upon a representation of Jesus as a black man with a penis, you will fling off the faith of your fathers, tear off your scapula, stomp on the crucifix, eat a hamburger on Friday, and convert to Satanism on the spot.
And don't think that Satan doesn't know it.
Meanwhile, for the rest of us, those who don't believe in a faith so flimsy that it can be demolished by the very sight, not to mention taste, of a chocolate deity, there's a chocolate Venus of Willendorf, a chocolate Ixchel (appropriate, n'est pas?), a chocolate Ganesh (if there's a god who loves chocolate, it must be Ganesh), a chocolate Loki, and a chocolate Green Tara to make the world a little bit sweeter.
4 comments:
What do you think of my idea for a Jesus pinata, it would be full of all sort of chocolate goodies, plus any other sweets you might care for. Also minature liquor bottles, drugs, condoms, porn, you name it, perfect for any occasion.
jxc,
I love it, but I'd love a, say, Aphrodite pinanta like that as well. Though we've got to be careful not to bash the liquor bottles.
I'm a bit disappointed that Jesus wasn't portrayed with the customary beard. I like my bearded hippie Jesus.
Reflecting on the Gospels, I gained the impression that Jesus must have had an active sense of humor. When the disciples are being particularly dense, you can almost see him slapping his forehead and asking himself, "Why did I pick these guys again?"
Assuming any people but Donohue's minions actually are upset, I wonder if they are the same people that see the Virgin Mary in a cheese sandwich or Jesus oon a tortilla?
thanks for showing me so many chocolate delights. l think some friends might be getting a few very soon.
I have found over the decades that Lord Ganesha, the one Hindu Diety I've felt a strong connection with, likes chocolate. Also hemp, beer and marigolds from the garden strung around His neck.
NM Red
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