Keep Your Hands To Yourself

Keep Your Hands To Yourself



Lots of folks have had plenty to say on Bush's unwelcome groping of German Chancellor Merkel. I'll weigh in with my two cents.

Most women I know have had this happen to them. A man who is neither your husband, nor your boyfriend, nor even a very close friend comes up behind you and begins massaging your shoulders and neck. What's going on?

In this case, context matters. Merkel was one of only a few women in tht entire room and, unless I'm mistaken, the only female head of a country there. In a situation like that, given the status differences of men and women in our society, every single thing that emphasizes your femaleness, whether it's the use of you first name or Ms., whether it's men standing up when you come in, whether it's small talk on subjects that exclude you, anything that emphasizes the fact that you're a woman demeans you and makes it more difficult for you to function in that situation. And the men know it.

Of course, if and when you object, the men (all of them, not just the one who massaged you) will look at you like you have two heads, mutter about overly-sensitive feminists, and say, "Just tryin' to be friendly. Heh, heh." This, for me at least, completely explains Merkel's expression in the final picture. Jumping out of your chair and shoving the creep while you yell, "What the fuck are you doing? Don't walk in here and grab me!" will only call attention to what's happened and make it worse. She hates what's happened but she's convincing herself right then and there to let it pass so she can achieve some of the things she came to the meeting determined to achieve. There isn't a woman over the age of 40 who hasn't swallowed hard and done what Merkel's doing in that picture.

There was also something else going on at the G-8 meeting. Again, there was a room full of men with almost no women there and only one "high-status" woman -- Merkel. Bush walks into the room and heads directly for Merkel. By putting his hands on her in this intimate way, he "claims" her in front of all the other men, especially the Italian prime minister with whom she was deep in conversation when Bush grabbed her. It's a way of attempting to claim alpha male status that has less to do with Merkel, she's merely the object that he uses, than with all the other men in the room.

Do men sometimes rub other men's necks and shoulders? I guess so, in a coach/athlete kind of way. But even there, the higher status person puts their hands on the lower status person. Bush was waaaaaaaay out of line.