Dear Mr. Yoshida

On November 3, 2004, a pathetic excuse of a man, Adam Yoshida, wrote a little screed. I saved it because I knew, at the time, that the day would come when I would enjoy shoving it back in his face. Here's what Mr. Yoshida had to say upon the occasion of George Bush having eked out a tiny margin of victory due to voter suppression and Diebolding in Ohio:

Four More Years! AKA: Take That, You Sons of Bitches

So, George W. Bush won. And he’s done so by a solid margin. The Democrats’ attempted coup managed to last all of eight hours. Not only is the President the first candidate to win a majority of the vote in a Presidential Election since 1988, but he also won more popular votes than any other candidate in history. The Democrats spent months telling us that high voter turnout would equal a win for them but, as it turns out, when 60% of the electorate showed up at the polls it translated into a Bush lead of nearly four million votes. In short: take that, you sons of bitches.

The Democrats are now talking about how this is a signal that Bush should “bring the country together”. Translated into American, this means “now that you’ve won, you should surrender to us.” The hell with that. We’ve won. Winning means not having to say you’re sorry. Bush already brought a majority of Americans together: they voted for him. He doesn’t need to reach out to them: they need to reach out to him.

If anyone needs to work to “bring the country together” it’s those on the left who have divided it so badly. Those who sought to destroy this great man should get down upon their knees and beg the victors for mercy. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll let a few of them linger on for the simple reason that they amuse us. My life’s goal is to see the Democratic Party virtually obliterated and left as a rump of people like Stephanie Herseth who both mostly agree with us anyways and are easy on the eyes.

That’s the future of the Democratic Party: providing Republicans with a number of cute (but not that bright) comfort women.

Let’s face a hard truth: this was the bitterest Presidential campaign in living memory. The Democrats and their allies staked everything on the defeat of this President. All of the resources they had accumulated over a generation of struggle were thrown into this battle: and they have failed. Despite all of their tricks, despite all of their lies, the people have rejected them. They mean nothing. They are worth nothing. There’s no point in trying to reach out to them because they won’t be reached out to. We’ve got their teeth clutching the sidewalk and out boot above their head. Now’s the time to curb-stomp the bastards.

The first obvious major fight is going to be over the confirmation of the next Chief Justice of the United States and probably a new Associate Justice as well. The reason for saying this should be obvious: William Rehnquist is an ill man and, I think, the obvious candidate to replace him is none other than Clarence Thomas who would be, of course, the first black Chief Justice but who would also, much more importantly, be the most conservative one in living memory. His seat could then be given to another solid conservative and then, once Stevens, Ginsberg, or O’Conner goes, we can get a real conservative majority on the court: and keep it for a decade or more.

It’s worth stepping back to think about the scale of what we have accomplished. We’ve fought back and won against the most destructive attack in the modern history of Presidential campaigns. Despite all of the books, movies, television shows: despite the seeming involvement of all of Hollywood and all of Academia, they lost. They used every trick in the book against us: and they lost. We now control the White House, the House of Representatives, the Senate, and a majority of State Governorships. The Republican Party is now, truly, the majority party in the United States.

This is a mandate. Not only for the President to carry on and win the War on Terrorism, but also to make other needed reforms. To begin: the massive landslides for the eleven state Gay Marriage amendments, even the one in Oregon, show that the Federal Marriage Amendment will carry if it proves to be needed. Better still, with these majorities, the President will have a real shot at enacting some form of entitlement reform in the coming years.

This is a decisive moment in American history. There’s no denying this fact. The nation stood at the crossroads yesterday and the people choose to go the right way. They rejected the Democrat Party and the pernicious things that those people stand for.

Michael Moore and his ilk have been rejected by the people. Treason didn’t carry the day. Forgeries and lies failed to produce the results that they wanted.

It was closer than we’d like, of course. Far too close. I still can’t believe that anyone voted for John Kerry. John Kerry was a personification of everything that’s wrong with the Democrat Party today. A traitor in his youth, he proposed policies of economic division at home and which would have brought military defeat abroad. The once-proud Democratic Party of people like Franklin Roosevelt, Harry Truman, John F. Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson has been reduced to such a level as to become little better than the party of AIDS, abortion, adultery and appeasement.

But, whatever, we won: to hell with the rest of them. Those who didn’t support Bush can go and perform a certain anatomically impossible act. They lost, now they can sit in the back of the bus.

Thank God Almighty.

Dear Mr. Yoshida,

Writing with your dick in your hand is never a good idea. As you now see, it makes you look like an ass. In your case, a juvenile ass with the longing of a frustrated and repressed adolescent for fascism.

And, I've been wanting to tell you for 4 years how un-American your ideas truly are. We don't turn people into "comfort women" in this country. We don't put our fellow Americans in a situation where "their teeth [are] clutching the sidewalk [with your] boot above their head." (Odd, isn't it, that you'd advocate Orwell's nightmare vision of the future: "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stomping on a human face -- forever.") Nor do we "curb-stomp the bastards. " And, in America, thanks to a heroine named Rosa Parks, we don't send people to the back of the bus.

Your party ran using your nasty desires for division: asserting that some parts of America are less "American" than others, questioning the patriotism of anyone who disagreed with them, throwing the "terrorist" label around for all it was worth, speaking in racist code, and, in the end, falling back on meaningless and pointless school-yard slurs: Whiners! Communist! Socialist! Wealth-Spreader-Arounder!

How'd that work for you?

Here's a brief tally of how your predictions worked out, a mere four years after you declared your thousand year Reich:

Bush didn't win by a solid margin. The last election wasn't the overwhelming victory you fantasized about with your hand down your pants. The last election wasn't about "destroying a great man." Bush was never great and he destroyed himself. More than that, outside of your fevered Nazi imagination, elections aren't about the "men" who run; they're about a free people selecting someone to work for them. You can't say of half of the country: "They mean nothing. They are worth nothing." That's what evil people say; it's not what we say in America about our fellow Americans. You didn't "get a real conservative majority on the court: and keep it for a decade or more." Barack Obama is going to select several Supreme Court justices and many other federal judges, as well. Abortion is here to stay, gay marriage is here to stay, "entitlement reform" didn't happen, and, as for the Democrats being the "party of adultery," well, your party ran an admitted adulterer this time around, while Republicans from Newt Gingrich, to David Vitter, to Larry Craig, to, well, you get the idea.

So on the occasion of a truly historic election, one in which that black man (whose middle name is Hussein) won a real mandate, I'd like to suggest that you spend a few years emptying bed pans at Walter Reed. A little humility would do you good. Help you to grow up. Give you a chance to get over yourself. And the next time that you think that "your team" has "won" (and they will, no party in America has a permanent hold on power) you might like to remember a bit of Mr. Shelley's poetry:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.