There's a small cafeteria in my office building and every day, every single day, they are not quite ready for the lunch crowd. You want to yell at them, "WTF? How can it continue to be a surprise to you that people suddenly start showing up here around noon EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY? Maybe tomorrow you could, you know, just assume that around 11:50 the cashier might want to get her change counted and be, oh, I don't know, AT THE CASH REGISTER?"
I work with a brilliant woman who normally comes into the office around 10:30 ish or works all day from home. Once in a while though, we have to be at court at 9:00 am or at the airport at 7:30. On those days, INEVITABLY, she calls me on my cell, running late, and says, in a surprised voice, "Traffic is really bad this morning!" And it's all I can do not to yell, "Yeah, Gail. Guess what? We work in Washington, D.C., one of the most congested cities in the entire United States. The traffic is bad EVERY morning. It was bad two weeks ago when you called me to say you were going to be late for court because of the traffic. It was bad a month ago when you called me to say you'd meet me at the other law firm for the deposition because traffic was bad. In fact, the next time that you've got to be somewhere early in the morning, maybe it would be smart for you to just ASSUME that traffic's going to be bad and leave in time to get where you're supposed to be!"
And, now we're coming up on another election. Five months, give or take. Electoral politics are going to be heating up, as they do EVERY SINGLE TIME THERE'S AN ELECTION. And I'd really, really, really like to think that THIS time, the Democrats won't act like the cashier in my cafeteria or my co-worker, caught totally off-guard by what anyone else could see coming a mile away. Here are a few things the Democrats need to get ready for NOW.
1. "You're saying you think it was better with Saddam in power."
2. "You're giving aid and comfort to the terrorists."
3. "You're for tax and spend."
4. "My opponent wants to cut and run."
5. "Most liberal, most liberal, most liberal."
6. "I respect my opponent's military service, but . . . ."
7. "You want gays to take over our country, convert our children, and burn our bibles."
8. "This time, trickle down economics will lift all boats."
9. "We'd have fifteen cent a gallon gas if my opponent weren't more concerned about the caribou than she is about working Americans and their gas bills."
10. 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11!
Look, I'm a witch and I have accesss to deep, esoteric secrets, vast, arcane wells of wisdom. And I'm going to share a few secrets with you:
Tomorrow, a strange yellow ball will rise in the eastern sky. Tomorrow, in the evening, the moon will be about three percent smaller than it will be tonight. And the Democrats, caught offguard again by the very tactics that Rove used an entire two years ago, won't have a good, standard, sound-bite-sized answer for any of the above-ten points. Come on, Dr. Dean, surprise me. Prove me wrong. Please.
6 comments:
My dear Hecate --
Dr Dean is not an idiot (although, like the rest of us, he has his days...) & he has staffers who are also not idiots -- how can we make sure they see this? Know this? AND do you have some appropriate responses to offer?
It is either that or President Allen...
Tomorrow, a strange yellow ball will rise in the eastern sky.
It didn't today. Leastwise, I didn't see it.
This is what us bloggers are for, to raise the level of consciousness and sharpen the pikes on which to hoist the petards, and heads, of Rove, Cheney..etc. You threw down a mailed gauntlet, great. Bush took office fuel was 1.40 a gallon. Now, over $3. The economy sucks. And that, sir, is what its about.
Dean understands all this, and is probably *trying* to warn the Democrats. And Schumer and Emanuel are patting him on the head and saying, "That's nice, Howie. Now be a good boy and get us some more money from those netroot thingies, won't you?"
Appropriate responses...
#1: You're saying it's better in Iraq now?! Thousands of US soldiers dead, tens or hundreds of thousands of Iraqis dead...even Saddam Hussein couldn't top that.
#8: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. To quote the Republicans' favourite politician, are you better off now than four years ago? We have a different approach...
#10: 9/11 happened on President Bush's watch. By the way, where's Osama Bin Laden?
This should be a three-step process: Fish, barrel, gun. :)
Have you heard the James McMurtry song "We Can't Make It Here Anymore?" It's the best rockin' protest song of a generation. Ought to be the Democrats' platform song, they ought to play it before every damn rally.
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