We Are In Ur Secular Holidayz, Hexing Up Ur Candeez!!

Now, for the first time, we can reveal: Actual footage of real witches hexing Halloween candy:



First, let me just say, it gets old fast, it does, writing briefs all day and then showing up at those candy factories run by Mars (he's a god of war 'fer pity sakes, you think he makes it easy?) or Hershey's, or whatever and spending all night hexing Halloween candy. A girl needs her beauty rest, especially as the years wear on, you know what I mean?

Not that age doesn't have its privileges. A few years ago, my years of experience and my incredible skill at injecting the most evil demons imaginable into that nasty candy corn shit and those ghost-shaped Peeps earned me a promotion and I got to spend a few years hexing Godiva's Halloween treats. And, I'm not bragging, mind you, I'm not, but even though that job required more than a bit of sampling, I won a rather rapid promotion. Don't tell the xians, but I've spent the last sixty days hexing Vosges, and, assuming that enough demons manage to insinuate themselves into xian homes on Saturday, well, your faithful author may find herself spending next Autumn in ("Shhhhh!") Belgium, candy central, itself.

Please, FSM, (hey, I'm not proud; let a thousand flowers bloom), don't let them find out about what we do to the chicken wings, potato chips, and beer the month before the Super Bowl.

I'll never get any sleep, at all.

/This post is satire. I have never, actually, hexed any candy. Or, have I? Bwhahahhah!
Don't tell the xians, but there's really only one brand of hex-free chocolate.

Just In Time For The War On Halloween

More here and here. It would be funny if it weren't so sad.

Reading To Children

The NYT has a review of three children's books about Halloween (not Samhein). They all sound wonderful, but I especially love the evocative poetry from Only a Witch Can Fly:

The dark night around you fills with Fly, fly,
and bright yellow moonlight shines down.
Cat, by your side, purrs a gentle Bye, bye,
and Owl stares up at a star, so far.
Your heart tells you now and you walk to the door.
Cat arches his back and croons, Soon.

Isn't that JUST how it is on those windy, Fall nights when you stand at the door, watch the clouds skud past the Moon, and simply LONG to hop on a broom and go?

G/Son and I are still really enjoying The Last Wild Witch (which is not really about Halloween or Samhein but about the role of witches in the modern world and about how to use non-violent resistance), but we may have to check out these new books, as well. Maybe with a cup of warm cider and some oatmeal cookies.

Picture found here.